Predatory Ghost
A Screenplay by RStyner
INT. QUALITY CAFE, LOS ANGELES – AFTERNOON

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

Lovable cleaner DR RICHARD STYNER is arguing with splendid swordsman MR ROB ROCKATANSKY. RICHARD tries to hug ROB but he shakes him off.

RICHARD
Please Rob, don’t leave me.
ROB
I’m sorry Richard, but I’m looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
RICHARD
I am such a person!
ROB frowns.

ROB
I’m sorry, Richard. I just don’t feel excited by this relationship anymore.
ROB leaves.

RICHARD sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, helpful detective LADY STANLEY GIANTBULB barges in looking flustered.

RICHARD
Goodness, Stanley! Is everything okay?
STANLEY
I’m afraid not.
RICHARD
What is it? Don’t keep me in suspense…
STANLEY
It’s … a ghost … I saw an evil ghost vandalise a bunch of swimmers!
RICHARD
Defenseless swimmers?
STANLEY
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
RICHARD
Bloomin’ heck, Stanley! We’ve got to do something.
STANLEY
I agree, but I wouldn’t know where to start.
RICHARD
You can start by telling me where this happened.
STANLEY
I was…
STANLEY fans herself and begins to wheeze.

RICHARD
Focus Stanley, focus! Where did it happen?
STANLEY
Hamstead Heath, London! That’s right – Hamstead Heath, London!
RICHARD springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD – CONTINUOUS

RICHARD rushes along the street, followed by STANLEY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. HAMSTEAD HEATH, LONDON – SHORTLY AFTER

JOHN SUPERHALK a predatory ghost terrorises two swimmers.

RICHARD, closely followed by STANLEY, rushes towards JOHN, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

STANLEY
What is is? What’s the matter?
RICHARD
That’s not just any old ghost, that’s John Superhalk!
STANLEY
Who’s John Superhalk?
RICHARD
Who’s John Superhalk? Who’s John Superhalk? Only the most predatory ghost in the universe!
STANLEY
Blinkin’ knickers, Richard! We’re going to need some help if we’re going to stop the most predatory ghost in the universe!
RICHARD
You can say that again.
STANLEY
Blinkin’ knickers, Richard! We’re going to need some help if we’re going to stop the most predatory ghost in the universe!
RICHARD
I’m going to need razors, lots of razors.
John turns and sees Richard and Stanley. He grins an evil grin.

JOHN
Richard Styner, we meet again.
STANLEY
You’ve met?
RICHARD
Yes. It was a long, long time ago…

EXT. A PARK – BACK IN TIME Richard Styner

A young RICHARD is sitting in a park listening to some classical music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees JOHN. He takes off his headphones.

JOHN
Would you like some toffees?
RICHARD’s eyes light up, but then he studies JOHN more closely, and looks uneasy.

RICHARD
I don’t know, you look kind of predatory.
JOHN
Me? No. I’m not predatory. I’m the least predatory ghost in the world.
RICHARD
Wait, you’re a ghost?
RICHARD runs away, screaming.

INT. HAMSTEAD HEATH, LONDON – PRESENT DAY

JOHN
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
STANLEY
(To RICHARD) You ran away?
RICHARD
(To STANLEY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
RICHARD turns to JOHN.

RICHARD
I may have run away from you then, but I won’t run away this time!
RICHARD runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

RICHARD
I mean, I am running away, but I’ll be back – with razors.
JOHN
I’m not scared of you.
RICHARD
You should be.

INT. HAMSTEAD HEATH, LONDON – LATER THAT DAY

RICHARD and STANLEY walk around searching for something.

RICHARD
I feel sure I left my razors somewhere around here.
STANLEY
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly razors.
RICHARD
You know nothing Stanley Giantbulb.
STANLEY
We’ve been searching for ages. I really don’t think they’re here.
Suddenly, JOHN appears, holding a pair of razors.

JOHN
Looking for something?
STANLEY
Crikey, Richard, he’s got your razors.
RICHARD
Tell me something I don’t already know!
STANLEY
The earth’s circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
RICHARD
I know that already!
STANLEY
I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed.
JOHN
(appalled) Dude!
While JOHN is looking at STANLEY with disgust, RICHARD lunges forward and grabs his deadly razors. He wields them, triumphantly.

RICHARD
Prepare to die, you predatory turnip!
JOHN
No please! All I did was vandalise a bunch of swimmers!
ROB enters, unseen by any of the others.

RICHARD
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender – and that’s me! Richard Styner defender of innocent swimmers.
JOHN
Don’t hurt me! Please!
RICHARD
Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t use these razors on you right away!
JOHN
Because Richard, I am your father.
RICHARD looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

RICHARD
No you’re not!
JOHN
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
JOHN tries to grab the razors but RICHARD dodges out of the way.

RICHARD
Who’s the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, JOHN slumps to the ground.

STANLEY
Did he just faint?
RICHARD
I think so. Well that’s disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly razors.
RICHARD crouches over JOHN’s body.

STANLEY
Be careful, Richard. It could be a trick.
RICHARD
No, it’s not a trick. It appears that… It would seem… John Superhalk is dead!
RICHARD
What?
RICHARD
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
STANLEY claps her hands.

STANLEY
So your razors did save the day, after all.
ROB steps forward.

ROB
Is it true? Did you kill the predatory ghost?
RICHARD
Rob how long have you been…?
ROB puts his arm around RICHARD.

ROB
Long enough.
RICHARD
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed John Superhalk.
ROB
Then the swimmers are safe?
RICHARD
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.

ROB
You are their hero.
The swimmers bow to RICHARD.

RICHARD
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that John Superhalk will never vandalise swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
ROB
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the swimmers passes RICHARD a tinkling talisman

ROB
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
RICHARD
I couldn’t possibly.
Pause.

RICHARD
Well, if you insist.
RICHARD takes the talisman.

RICHARD
Thank you.
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.

RICHARD turns to ROB.

RICHARD
Does this mean you want me back?
ROB
Oh, Richard, of course I want you back!
RICHARD smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

RICHARD
Well you can’t have me.
ROB
WHAT?
RICHARD
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a ghost to death before you would believe in me. I don’t want a lover like that.
ROB
But…
RICHARD
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin – my best friend, Stanley.
STANLEY grins.

ROB
But…
STANLEY
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
ROB
Richard?
RICHARD
I’m sorry Rob, but I think you should skidaddle.
ROB leaves.

STANLEY turns to RICHARD.

STANLEY
Did you mean that? You know … that I’m your best friend?
RICHARD
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly STANLEY stops.

STANLEY
When I said I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed, you know I was just trying to distract the ghost don’t you?

Giving Richard Styner
A Short Story
by RStyner
Richard Styner looked at the enchanted map in his hands and felt calm.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his picturesque surroundings. He had always loved hilly San Leandro with its rare, regurgitated rivers. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel calm.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Morwenna Grey. Morwenna was a remarkable banker with grubby hands and handsome toenails.

Richard gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a giving, spiteful, wine drinker with brown hands and pointy toenails. His friends saw him as a tasteless, thundering teacher. Once, he had even helped a moaning baby bird cross the road.

But not even a giving person who had once helped a moaning baby bird cross the road, was prepared for what Morwenna had in store today.

The clouds danced like walking goldfish, making Richard relaxed.

As Richard stepped outside and Morwenna came closer, he could see the queasy glint in her eye.

Morwenna gazed with the affection of 363 smelly tiny toads. She said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want love.”

Richard looked back, even more relaxed and still fingering the enchanted map. “Morwenna, I am your father,” he replied.

They looked at each other with jumpy feelings, like two kooky, knobby koalas sitting at a very thoughtful wake, which had R & B music playing in the background and two friendly uncles singing to the beat.

Suddenly, Morwenna lunged forward and tried to punch Richard in the face. Quickly, Richard grabbed the enchanted map and brought it down on Morwenna’s skull.

Morwenna’s grubby hands trembled and her handsome toenails wobbled. She looked angry, her emotions raw like a nosy, new newspaper.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Morwenna Grey was dead.

Richard Styner went back inside and made himself a nice glass of wine.

THE END

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

San Leandro
A Mystery Novel
by Random Writer

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

“I’m going to need backward eyebrows, big, backward eyebrows.”

Richard Styner had not known love or loss until she risked loosing her remarkable wife Helen Pigeon.

Her contented life is shattered when her learns that predatory giants plan to rob Helen and she knows she has to stop them or her heart will die.

At nine, the doctor from San Leandro is both patient and hilarious. But will it be enough to protect Helen?

She goes to a dinner party in Upper Boggington where she acquires some backward eyebrows and aardvarks. It finally seems that she will be able to stop the giants that want to rob Helen.

However, when one of the predatory giants bites off Richard’s spots with crippling effect, it looks like her quest is over.

Without spots, will Richard Styner be able to save the day?

Random Writer delivers a brave and poignant story that explores the love between a doctor and her wife.

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

A Short Story
by Mr Pseudonym
Richard Styner looked at the enchanted knife in his hands and felt sparkly.
Richard Styner
He walked over to the window and reflected on his rural surroundings. He had always loved sunny Exeter with its putrid, petite parks. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel sparkly.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Shane Thornton. Shane was a virtuous vicar with curvaceous ankles and fluffy warts.

Richard gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a cowardly, stable, brandy drinker with grubby ankles and pink warts. His friends saw him as a loud, lazy lawyer. Once, he had even brought an outrageous baby bird back from the brink of death.

But not even a cowardly person who had once brought an outrageous baby bird back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Shane had in store today.

The rain hammered like cooking horses, making Richard irritable.

As Richard stepped outside and Shane came closer, he could see the clean glint in his eye.

“I am here because I want a phone number,” Shane bellowed, in a callous tone. He slammed his fist against Richard’s chest, with the force of 5943 rabbits. “I frigging love you, Richard Styner.”

Richard looked back, even more irritable and still fingering the enchanted knife. “Shane, I am your father,” he replied.

They looked at each other with fuzzy feelings, like two flaky, fine frogs skipping at a very deranged Christening, which had piano music playing in the background and two stupid uncles shouting to the beat.

Richard regarded Shane’s curvaceous ankles and fluffy warts. He held out his hand. “Let’s not fight,” he whispered, gently.

“Hmph,” pondered Shane.

“Please?” begged Richard with puppy dog eyes.

Shane looked healthy, his body blushing like a real, rabblesnatching ruler.

Then Shane came inside for a nice glass of brandy.
Richard Styner
THE END

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

Richard Styner

Richard Styner had always loved deserted San Leandro with its jolly, joyous jungle. It was a place where he felt jumpy.

He was a witty, ruthless, beer drinker with wide eyes and fluffy toenails. His friends saw him as a lonely, long lawyer. Once, he had even revived a dying, blind person. That’s the sort of man he was.

Richard walked over to the window and reflected on his dirty surroundings. The snow flurried like eating foxes.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of A teacher. A was a grateful friend with chubby eyes and wobbly toenails.

Richard gulped. He was not prepared for A.

As Richard stepped outside and A came closer, he could see the purple glint in his eye.

A gazed with the affection of 5983 admirable hot humming birds. He said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want a resolution.”

Richard looked back, even more puzzled and still fingering the crumpled rock. “A, I shrunk the kids,” he replied.

They looked at each other with lonely feelings, like two hot, high-pitched humming birds walking at a very vile snow storm, which had piano music playing in the background and two noble uncles sitting to the beat.

Richard regarded A’s chubby eyes and wobbly toenails. “I feel the same way!” revealed Richard with a delighted grin.

A looked unstable, his emotions blushing like a tender, thirsty teapot.

Then A came inside for a nice drink of beer.

THE END

Created on 22nd May 2022.

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