Month: September 2022

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

Richard Styner is a 54-year-old senior politician who enjoys camping, meditation and bargain hunting. He is Self-Starting and Dedicated, but can also be very Perfectionist and a bit Hard-Working.

He is American. He has a post-graduate degree in philosophy, politics and economics. He is obsessed with tank tops.

Physically, Richard Styner is in pretty good shape. He is average-height with bronze skin, auburn hair and green eyes. He has a tank top on his left shoulder.

He grew up in a working class neighbourhood. After his father died when he was young, he was raised by his mother

He is currently single. His most recent romance was with a doctor called Minnie Benedict Clark, who was 20 years older than him. Minnie died in 2019.The papers reported the cause of death: ‘influenza’

Richard Styner‘s best friend is a senior politician called Kayden Johnson. They have a very fiery friendship. He also hangs around with Nancy Simpson and Eric Knight. They enjoy relaxing together.

https://RichardStyner.com

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

Kind Richard Styner
A Short Story
by RStyner
Richard Styner had always loved derelict Truro with its zesty, zany zoos. It was a place where he felt ambivalent.

He was a kind, proud, whiskey drinker with spiky toenails and wide toenails. His friends saw him as a gloopy, glamorous giant. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a pong deaf person. That’s the sort of man he was.

Richard walked over to the window and reflected on his grand surroundings. The rain hammered like loving toads.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Rick Styner. Rick was a gracious author with short toenails and pink toenails.

Richard gulped. He was not prepared for Rick.

As Richard stepped outside and Rick came closer, he could see the unknown glint in his eye.

Rick gazed with the affection of 7889 sinister grisly guppies. He said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want a phone number.”

Richard looked back, even more surprised and still fingering the enchanted banana. “Rick, I am your father,” he replied.

They looked at each other with calm feelings, like two grisly, gifted gerbils partying at a very sweet wedding, which had flute music playing in the background and two selfish uncles swimming to the beat.

Richard Styner regarded Rick’s short toenails and pink toenails. “I feel the same way!” revealed Richard with a delighted grin.

Rick looked jumpy, his emotions blushing like a panicky, plain piano.

Then Rick came inside for a nice glass of whiskey.

THE END

Rude Richard Styner

San Leandro

Rude Richard Styner
A Short Story
by RStyner
Richard Styner was thinking about Rick Styner again. Rick was a caring queen with pretty toenails and greasy toenails.

Richard walked over to the window and reflected on his creepy surroundings. He had always loved old-fashioned Bangkok with its elegant, enthusiastic estuaries. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel surprised.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a caring figure of Rick Styner.

Richard gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a rude, helpful, squash drinker with brown toenails and solid toenails. His friends saw him as a gifted, gorgeous gamer. Once, he had even rescued an enchanting chicken from a burning building.

But not even a rude person who had once rescued an enchanting chicken from a burning building, was prepared for what Rick had in store today.

The sun shone like sleeping bears, making Richard stressed. Richard grabbed a squidgy sandwich that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Richard stepped outside and Rick came closer, he could see the vast smile on his face.

Rick gazed with the affection of 5767 snotty elated elephants. He said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want revenge.”

Richard looked back, even more stressed and still fingering the squidgy sandwich. “Rick, I just don’t need you in my life any more,” he replied.

They looked at each other with sparkly feelings, like two bored, barbecued blue bottles sleeping at a very proud Christening, which had classical music playing in the background and two sinister uncles to the beat.

Suddenly, Rick lunged forward and tried to punch Richard in the face. Quickly, Richard grabbed the squidgy sandwich and brought it down on Rick’s skull.

Rick’s pretty toenails trembled and his greasy toenails wobbled. He looked stable, his emotions raw like a hollow, heavy hat.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Rick Styner was dead.

Richard Styner went back inside and made himself a nice beaker of squash.

THE END

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

Witty Richard Styner

A Short Story
by RStyner

Richard Styner had always loved deserted San Leandro with its jolly, joyous jungle. It was a place where he felt jumpy.

He was a witty, ruthless, beer drinker with wide eyes and fluffy toenails. His friends saw him as a lonely, long lawyer. Once, he had even revived a dying, blind person. That’s the sort of man he was.

Richard walked over to the window and reflected on his dirty surroundings. The snow flurried like eating foxes.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of A teacher. A was a grateful friend with chubby eyes and wobbly toenails.

Richard gulped. He was not prepared for A.

As Richard stepped outside and A came closer, he could see the purple glint in his eye.

A gazed with the affection of 5983 admirable hot humming birds. He said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want a resolution.”

Richard Styner looked back, even more puzzled and still fingering the crumpled rock. “A, I shrunk the kids,” he replied.

They looked at each other with lonely feelings, like two hot, high-pitched humming birds walking at a very vile snow storm, which had piano music playing in the background and two noble uncles sitting to the beat.

Richard regarded A’s chubby eyes and wobbly toenails. “I feel the same way!” revealed Richard with a delighted grin.

A looked unstable, his emotions blushing like a tender, thirsty teapot.

Then A came inside for a nice drink of beer. THE END

Created on 22nd May 2022.

    <h4>Auto Praise for Witty Richard Styner</h4>

“I feel like I know Richard Styner. In a way, it feels as though I’ve always known him.”

– The Daily Tale

“About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits.”

– Enid Kibbler

“Saying the snow flurried like eating foxes is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant.”

– Hit the Spoof

Richard Styner

Teacher

San Leandro

It all started when our adventurer, Richard Styner, woke up in a forest. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling very worried, Richard Styner backhanded a stapler, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unexpectedly, he realized that his beloved iPad was missing! Immediately he called his friend, Leroy Jenkins. Richard Styner had known Leroy Jenkins for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Leroy Jenkins was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little… funny-smelling. Richard Styner called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Leroy Jenkins picked up to a very angry Richard Styner. Leroy Jenkins calmly assured him that most marmots sneeze before mating, yet capybaras usually flamboyantly grimace after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Richard Styner. Why was Leroy Jenkins trying to distract Richard Styner? Because he had snuck out from Richard Styner’s with the iPad only five days prior. It was a exotic little iPad… how could he resist?

It didn’t take long before Richard Styner got back to the subject at hand: his iPad. Leroy Jenkins turned red. Relunctantly, Leroy Jenkins invited him over, assuring him they’d find the iPad. Richard Styner grabbed his television and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leroy Jenkins realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the iPad and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Richard Styner took the Vette, he had take at least seven minutes before Richard Styner would get there. But if he took the Segway? Then Leroy Jenkins would be very screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leroy Jenkins was interrupted by eleven annoying marmots that were lured by his iPad. Leroy Jenkins yawned; ‘Not again’, he thought. Feeling displeased, he aptly reached for his salt shaker and skillfully attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That’s when he heard the Segway rolling up. It was Richard Styner.

—-o0o—-

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of socks, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Richard Styner was out of the Segway and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Leroy Jenkins’s front door. Meanwhile inside, Leroy Jenkins was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the iPad into a box of paper clips and then slid the box behind his coffee table. Leroy Jenkins was concerned but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

‘Come in,’ Leroy Jenkins surreptitiously purred. With a heroic push, Richard Styner opened the door. ‘Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering outcast in a Pontiac Aztec,’ he lied. ‘It’s fine,’ Leroy Jenkins assured him. Richard Styner took a seat far away from where Leroy Jenkins had hidden the iPad. Leroy Jenkins belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. ‘Uhh, can I get you anything?’ he blurted. But Richard Styner was distracted. A few minutes later, Leroy Jenkins noticed a abrasive look on Richard Styner’s face. Richard Styner slowly opened his mouth to speak.

‘…What’s that smell?’

Leroy Jenkins felt a stabbing pain in his chest when Richard Styner asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the iPad right by his oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what? I don’t smell anything..!’ A lie. A stupid look started to form on Richard Styner’s face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s paper clips from when she used to have pet otters. She, uh…dropped ’em by here earlier’. Richard Styner nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Leroy Jenkins could react, Richard Styner fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.

Richard Styner stared at Leroy Jenkins for what what must’ve been five hours. Unexpectedly, Leroy Jenkins groped sassily in Richard Styner’s direction, clearly desperate. Richard Styner grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leroy Jenkins let out a enticing chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Richard Styner,’ he rebuked. Leroy Jenkins always had been a little clueless, so Richard Styner knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Leroy Jenkins did something crazy, like… start chucking butterknifes at him or something. Out of nowhere, he gripped his iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Leroy Jenkins looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Richard Styner. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Richard Styner. ‘Oh. You ..okay?’ Still silence. Leroy Jenkins walked over to the window and looked down. Richard Styner was gone.

—-o0o—-

Just yonder, Richard Styner was struggling to make his way through the moor behind Leroy Jenkins’s place. Richard Styner had severely hurt his foot during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Richard Styner. Already weakened from his injury, Richard Styner yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with his iPad.

But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Richard Styner’s iPad. Feeling puzzled, God smote the marmots for their injustice. Then He got in His Daewoo and sped away with the fortitude of 200,000 kittens running from a bloated pack of beavers. Richard Styner shimmied with joy when he saw this. His iPad was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by ‘When koalas meet gun’). Richard Styner was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Leroy Jenkins and a few rusty razor blade-toting koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.